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Acceptable Etiquette - May 2009

Complaining the Right Way

May 24th 2009 22:06


I don’t think I could find one adult person who hasn’t at least once been infuriated by a service provider of some kind. How should you air your grievance?

That is a difficult one because our reaction to someone over a phone or even by email can often keep us wondering what the point of complaining is or whether or not our issues will get to anyone that really matters.


Jasper Griegson, a Brit who has written a lot on the subject, has now launched a new book The Joys of Complaining and his advice in this is “don’t get mad get even” and suggests the old fashioned letter is the best way to go when lodging a complaint, far superior to an email or a verbal complaint.

Griegson is no novice to the world of complaint advice. The book is his third on the subject, others being The Complete Complainer and The Complainer’s Guide to Getting Even. Humour, he says, works much better that a wild rant.

Griegson has now become the Official Complainer on Disputer.com, a website offering advice on how to go about complaining and guide the consumer in the complaints process. The website has been set up by James Walker who has similar views on the art of complaining.

Walker believes a complaint letter should contain these components:

1.Dread
Be well informed, know what you want and state it plainly. Companies, he believes, will take more notice if they know you are well informed.


2.Love
What will the company need to do to retain your as a customer?

3.Patience
Don’t let them get away with things by ignoring them. State that you will not go away until the situation or issue is rectified.

4.Company knowledge
Arm yourself with information about the company – who deals with complaints and how they are dealt with in the particular organisation you have the problem with. If your complaint is not dealt with sufficiently after about 10 days then it will need to be escalated up the chain of command.

Griegson believes most people are reluctant to go into combat with organisations because of fear. That may be so but plenty of times I have not pursued a complaint simply because of a lack of time. Even so, disputer.com is bound to offer some sound advice if ever you have a consumer problem and you need advice about dealing with it.

Julian Beggini, author of Complaint: From Minor Moans to Principled Protests, takes the complaint stream a little bit further. Beggini advises to exploit every legal loophole available even courts that deal with small claims.

Disputer.com is a free site and you can get advice on a whole range of issues including legal advice. It is probably more specific to Britain but most of the advice can probably relate to just about anywhere. It sounds like a pretty good site for reference the next time someone tries to diddle us.

Aside from his three books on the art of complaining, Greigson has been the Official Complainer for The Sun, The Daily Express, London Newstalk Radio and a variety of magazines.

I don't know if anyone could actually get any joy out of complaining but his advice may be worth a try. So next time you feel like ranting down the phone, try holding a deep breath and go and write a letter instead.




Sourced:
www.observer.co.uk
www.disputer.com

Image credit: www.orbserver.co.uk

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So You’ve Been Invited to a Cocktail Party

May 6th 2009 21:17


Cocktail parties can range from a dressy occasion right down to a home party but if most people call it a cocktail party on the invitation, then you’d probably be expected to wear something reasonably smart.

One of my observations of cocktail parties and I find it rather funny is that people go to the trouble and expense of going to a place where they will be served and then making it very difficult for anyone to even serve them.

They stand in doorways, block off alleyways and spaces and huddle up in bunches so that it’s virtually impossible to get any food or drink to them. To make things even more difficult, many people wave their hands around while they are talking, don’t look where they are walking and grab drinks from trays as if they have been stuck on with superglue. Guests at cocktail events can often be the biggest hazard in occupational health and safety.

Hopefully, some of the tips will not only help you enjoy the occasion but minimise any accidents, like breakages and spilt drinks. The last thing you would want is to have to walk around with red wine all over you newest outfit or fancy sauce on your tie. It's really all about paying attention to what's going on around you.

The problem with cocktail parties is that you often feel you need at least three hands to manage a drink in one hand and food in the other and be able to eat and drink and still look pretty together.

What makes it a lot more difficult these days is that the finger food is often much more than bite sized canapés. Often it can be satays on skewers or food in a Chinese spoon or a little box filled with risotto. This can make things really difficult, especially for women who usually have a handbag as well.

Cocktail parties can be rather formal such as the first part of a wedding reception, or an art opening or similar or they can be rather casual. I will talk about the more formal ones because these are the ones at which most people often look awkward trying to juggle the food and drink and socialise at the same time. With a little bit of knowledge and some common sense you can go to these parties relaxed and look like you do it all the time.

One of the things you should always keep in mind is that there are usually many trays of glasses floating around and waving your arms around while you are talking can be rather dangerous.

On arrival it’s OK to pick up a drink from the tray. That’s what they are there for. Just be careful not to yank it off the tray because doing so will probably send the rest of the glasses flying. Just take it carefully from the tray. If you are drinking wine or champagne, it’s usually a good idea to hand on to the empty glass so a waiter can refill it.

My suggestion also is that you work your way towards a cocktail table if there are any. If friends or associates are far away from one, just suggest that you move closer. Believe me, having a table to rest your drink on really makes things a lot easier.

When the food comes around, try to remember this. Always take the serviette first. It is a lot harder to take a serviette once you have the food in one hand, especially if you have a drink in the other.

Many etiquette trainers often suggest that if you are at a business function and it is quite important to have some serious discussion, you could probably eat before you go so that you can concentrate on the conversation. That is really up to you.

It’s probably not a good idea to put food into your mouth just before you are about to speak also. Pace your eating. You don’t want to look like you haven’t eaten for a week.

Often, as I mentioned earlier, cocktail food can be quite elaborate. While this is very nice to eat, it can be very awkward eating it standing up. However, if you have a serviette at all times, it will help with anything that is likely to drip.

For food that has skewers or something like that such as satay sticks, don’t ever throw your empty one on to the food plate. It’s for food not rubbish. Keep your eyes out for any drop bowls that might be around the place for this reason.

Leave a little space between yourself and the next person so that food and drink can reach you easily and watch moving without looking or rocking around on the one spot. This will minimise any accidents.

Cocktail parties can be fun and often give you a chance to taste a lot of very different kind of food. If you keep your eyes open and follow some of the pointers I have given you above, it will take away the uneasiness and make the occasion enjoyable.


Some Don’ts
  • Don’t wave your arms around
  • Don’t yank a drink from a drinks tray
  • Don’t stand in doorways
  • Don’t block of all areas around you
  • Don’t throw satay sticks, etc back onto the food plate
  • Don’t make a glutton of yourself


    • Some Do’s
  • Always take a serviette first before taking food
  • Stand beside a cocktail table if possible
  • Leave some space around you
  • Put satay sticks and the like into drop bowls
  • Be aware of what is going on around you
  • Wear something nice


    • Finally, always look like you are enjoying yourself. It’s amazing how much a smile attracts people to you and….have fun.


    Image credit: www.guardian.co.uk












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    Basic Table Manners

    May 3rd 2009 08:00


    So you have been invited to dinner. Maybe it’s a boss or a colleague or a friend. Are you worried you may make a fool of yourself?

    Basic table manners are very easy once you know what they are. Many westerners of my own and previous generations had table manners drummed into them but as the generations have eaten different ways and become more casual in our eating routines, some of the basic table manners have been all but forgotten.

    I will summarise all the points I make at the end of the post but this introduction probably explains a little clearer the manners that will stand you apart at the table.

    First, a few basic things: Don’t chew with your mouth open and don’t talk with food in your mouth. Finish what you are eating first otherwise it could quite well end up over the face of the person you are talking too and it looks pretty awful.

    We use a knife and a fork mostly for eating western meals. The knife is normally used to cut the food into smaller pieces and push it on to the fork and should never find its way into your mouth. The fork is the piece of cutlery that puts the food into the mouth. It is always best to only put small pieces into your mouth at any one time and finish that before putting in any more.

    The fork is set on your left and the knife on your right and these are the hands that should be used for the corresponding piece of cutlery. Your bread plate is the one on your left hand side (just in case you are thinking of eating the one on your right side which belongs to someone else). It is best to leave it on the left side rather than move it to the middle, something many people often do.

    If the table is set for more than one course, you use the cutlery in turn from the outside in. That is, the cutlery for the first course is on the outside. For the main it will be the next ones and is usually larger.

    The drink glass belonging to you is on your right. There is often a lot of confusion about the glasses on the table but if you just remember the one on the right you will be fine.

    If you are eating soup, be careful not to slurp it and use the soup spoon moving away from you. Bring the soup to your mouth rather than the other way around and don’t use bread to mop up any leftovers in the bowl. This goes for gravy too. It is very bad manners to use bread to soak up the remainder of a meal.

    Sit upright in the dining chair. Slouching and sprawling over the table does not look very nice and keep your elbows off the table. Many etiquette instructors say it is alright to put your elbows on the table between courses but it doesn’t look all that great and it does make things a bit difficult for anyone who is trying to serve you.

    One of the older rules that seems to be totally disregarded nowadays, is that it is impolite to leave the table before the meal is finished. If you need to go to the bathroom or you need to take an urgent phone call, always excuse yourself from the table first. It is such an easy thing to do.

    A few habits have crept in over time when it comes to the dining table. One is pushing a finished plate away, either to the middle of the table or to the end. Leave it where it is and put the knife and fork together. This indicates you have finished and also will stop the cutlery flying off when someone picks up the plate. Son't whatever you do, start stacking up plates.

    Some Don'ts
    • Don’t’ chew with your mouth open
    • Don’t talk with food in your mouth
    • Don’t put a knife into your mouth
    • Don’t slurp soup
    • Don’t soak up the end of the soup or gravy from the meal with your bread
    • Don’t leave the table without excusing yourself
    • Don’t sprawl all over the table
    • Don't push your plate away when you have finished
    • Don't stack finished plates


    Some Do's
    • Put the knife and fork together on the plate when you are finished
    • Keep your elbows off the table
    • Sit straight in the chair
    • Use the cutlery from the outside for the first course and work you way in.


    This is an overview of basic table manners. In future posts I will be going into a lot more detail that will help you in more formalised situations such as formal occasions and fine dining.

    In the meantime, if you think about these basic rules of etiquette it should help you through your dining engagements, no matter how casual.

    Always remember to be a cheerful dinner companion.




    Image credit: smh.com.au from movie Man About Town





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