Janet CollinsBasic Table Manners
May 3rd 2009 08:00
So you have been invited to dinner. Maybe it’s a boss or a colleague or a friend. Are you worried you may make a fool of yourself?
Basic table manners are very easy once you know what they are. Many westerners of my own and previous generations had table manners drummed into them but as the generations have eaten different ways and become more casual in our eating routines, some of the basic table manners have been all but forgotten.
I will summarise all the points I make at the end of the post but this introduction probably explains a little clearer the manners that will stand you apart at the table.
First, a few basic things: Don’t chew with your mouth open and don’t talk with food in your mouth. Finish what you are eating first otherwise it could quite well end up over the face of the person you are talking too and it looks pretty awful.
We use a knife and a fork mostly for eating western meals. The knife is normally used to cut the food into smaller pieces and push it on to the fork and should never find its way into your mouth. The fork is the piece of cutlery that puts the food into the mouth. It is always best to only put small pieces into your mouth at any one time and finish that before putting in any more.
The fork is set on your left and the knife on your right and these are the hands that should be used for the corresponding piece of cutlery. Your bread plate is the one on your left hand side (just in case you are thinking of eating the one on your right side which belongs to someone else). It is best to leave it on the left side rather than move it to the middle, something many people often do.
If the table is set for more than one course, you use the cutlery in turn from the outside in. That is, the cutlery for the first course is on the outside. For the main it will be the next ones and is usually larger.
The drink glass belonging to you is on your right. There is often a lot of confusion about the glasses on the table but if you just remember the one on the right you will be fine.
If you are eating soup, be careful not to slurp it and use the soup spoon moving away from you. Bring the soup to your mouth rather than the other way around and don’t use bread to mop up any leftovers in the bowl. This goes for gravy too. It is very bad manners to use bread to soak up the remainder of a meal.
Sit upright in the dining chair. Slouching and sprawling over the table does not look very nice and keep your elbows off the table. Many etiquette instructors say it is alright to put your elbows on the table between courses but it doesn’t look all that great and it does make things a bit difficult for anyone who is trying to serve you.
One of the older rules that seems to be totally disregarded nowadays, is that it is impolite to leave the table before the meal is finished. If you need to go to the bathroom or you need to take an urgent phone call, always excuse yourself from the table first. It is such an easy thing to do.
A few habits have crept in over time when it comes to the dining table. One is pushing a finished plate away, either to the middle of the table or to the end. Leave it where it is and put the knife and fork together. This indicates you have finished and also will stop the cutlery flying off when someone picks up the plate. Son't whatever you do, start stacking up plates.
Some Don'ts
- Don’t’ chew with your mouth open
- Don’t talk with food in your mouth
- Don’t put a knife into your mouth
- Don’t slurp soup
- Don’t soak up the end of the soup or gravy from the meal with your bread
- Don’t leave the table without excusing yourself
- Don’t sprawl all over the table
- Don't push your plate away when you have finished
- Don't stack finished plates
Some Do's
- Put the knife and fork together on the plate when you are finished
- Keep your elbows off the table
- Sit straight in the chair
- Use the cutlery from the outside for the first course and work you way in.
This is an overview of basic table manners. In future posts I will be going into a lot more detail that will help you in more formalised situations such as formal occasions and fine dining.
In the meantime, if you think about these basic rules of etiquette it should help you through your dining engagements, no matter how casual.
Always remember to be a cheerful dinner companion.
Image credit: smh.com.au from movie Man About Town
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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now thats just crazy talk!
i always catch myself doing the elbows on the table thing, esp when waiting for the food to arrive
also, at a restaurant, when you finish your meal, if you place your used napkin/serviette on your plate or in your bowl, it signals the waiter that you are finished and would like your plates cleared
Comment by Janet Collins
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Don't do the bread thing, I beg you.
This system I find incredibly bad when the napkin is a cloth one - straight into the gravy and the leftovers...definitely not.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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when i worked as a waitress i used to really appreciate people doing it, because it saves having to ask if theyre finished when the meal is only partially eaten and you are not sure if they want the plate removed
Comment by Janet Collins
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It's far more sophisticated to just put the knife and fork together and picking up a cloth napkin covered in gravy is likely to get over everything, including the waiter.
Comment by Mau-Medellin
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Some great tips here!!
Mau-Medellin
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Mau-Medellin
Mau-Medellin
Comment by Janet Collins
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Thanks. Usually (if the waiter is doing a good job) the entree cutlery is removed if you only order a main. Good point though.
Comment by Janet Collins
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I do realise that most cafes just set the basic cutlery - probably in fear that any more will just get pinched.
I was just trying to assist anyone that may go out dining and be a bit confused with a formal type set up. So many people in Australia now come from other cultures and I often seeing them watch the Aussies to see what they are doing and copy them - and that is a bit of a worry.
Mau
Glad we agree. Looks like you're outnumbered on the serviette issue, Morgan.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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this is a lovely helpful guide, im sure it will get lots of hits from people worried about going to fancy restaurant
id probably be like Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins and start swimming in the hotel fountain
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Comment by moonglow
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How many times does one need to get stabbed with a fork before one stops this behavior?
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Comment by Tracy
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Comment by Janet Collins
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Slurpers and mudgers - me too! I can't stand people even slurping tea and nudgers - well if they would just sit in the chair straight it wouldn't be a problem but some move around like they are watching the TV at home.
Thanks for your contribution!
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Comment by Cheryl J
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People so easily mistake the bread plate and the drinking glass placement, including me, so that was a really good point!
My big thing is please push your chair back in after you've gotten up - either to leave or to be excused from the table for a moment. For one it makes the waitstaff's job easier but it is also just bad manners to leave it out in the middle of everything.
Interesting post
Comment by Janet Collins
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This is SO common, I can't tell you. I see people eating the person's bread roll next to them then drinking their drink because they have forgotten that theirs is on the other side.
And the chair thing - that annoys me too. What annoys me even more is that a lot of people just don't know how to sit IN a chair AT a table. They sit half way out so that no one can get near the table to put things down or pick them up. Perhaps that could be another post?
Thanks a lot for dropping by.
Comment by Jason King
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And some of my friends never put their cutlery together on their plate - it seriously bugs me.
One thing one of my friends always points out to me - I keep touching the fork with my teeth and she can hear the metal fork coming out of my mouth on my teeth - I just can't help it. I keep trying. But to be honest I way prefer chopsticks - she can never hear the wood - haha.
Great post Janet!!
Comment by Janet Collins
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Not the bread thing for you too! Goodness me
It is really amazing just how many people do not know about putting the knife and fork together. It is just so easy and then a waiter doesn't have to interrupt you to know you are finished.
Thanks a lot for the comment.
Comment by Natalina
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