Janet Collins
Jason KingMind Your Mobile Manners
April 14th 2009 20:34
Love the one you are with or at least talk to them because if you spend your whole night out chatting to someone else on the phone, your friend may not be being available the next time you try to get together. I doubt that any person who agreed to meet you socially would have expected ending up spending most of the night listening to one side of your conversation. It’s rude and very disrespectful to the person or people in your company.
Many people now have grown up with mobile phones and probably can’t remember life without them. That doesn’t mean that manners and courtesies should be abandoned. It just means that we need to be more aware of the intrusion of mobile phones on our social culture.
I have to admit I was slow to coming around the whole mobile phone culture when people first started acquiring them. Not that I couldn’t understand the convenience of them, but because they altered the way people behaved. I would hear people automatically raise their voice because they were speaking on them in restaurants, on buses and trains and at the supermarket. These new phones were so novel that it was almost as if the people speaking on them wanted the world to know they had one.
Now they are a standard accessory, a gadget that has become a necessity, but there are still common courtesies that should be considered when using them, particularly in a public place or when in company. Socially, if I was spending time out with friends, colleagues or a date, I would be more than a little insulted if any of them made numerous phone calls or answered some throughout rather than switching them off or onto silent or even let it go onto their message bank. This of course is much more insulting if there are only two of you. Jumping onto the phone at every opportunity gives the impression you would really rather be somewhere else.
I know the rules have weakened about this over time. Our workplaces and our families often expect us to be available 24/7 on the end of our mobiles but if calls really need to be taken when we’re out socially, people should excuse themselves and move out of earshot to take the call. It could also be mentioned early on that they will need to pick up a call at some time.
When text messaging became the thing to do some years ago, a friend of mine commented how silly this was but I defended this new fad completely. No longer did I have to put up with people in the seat behind me in the bus screaming into their mobile phones with the usual one-sided inane conversation interrupting me while I was reading. It usually went like this….. “Where are you? …Oh, well I’m just two stops away. I should be there in about five minutes. Did you pick up the fish?”
Even more irritating is a person in a shop who spends the whole time chatting away on a phone resorting to sign language to the shop owner or assistant to finalise a transaction. It reeks of arrogance or ignorance or both and shows very little respect for the person who is attempting to serve them whatever way they can.
The move to text messaging was by and large welcomed by me. No longer was I bombarded so often with so many people’s conversations, but messaging can often lead to other rude and impolite behaviour. Many a time I have seen people – mostly younger ones but some older ones as well – have their eyes glued to their mobiles throughout an entire dinner or even a formal function. Every now and then there fingers would start pushing buttons crazily as if their lives depended on it.
Just because the phone is silent should not be an invitation to play on the phone and should at least be kept to a bare minimum. If you are at a function, you should be enjoying the function not trying to talk to someone who isn’t there. In the long term many of these obsessive message senders will probably stop getting invitations. I certainly wouldn’t be too keen on inviting someone who was somewhere else mentally the whole time to anything of mine.
The whole problem probably stretches back to the introduction of them. Mobile phones moved fast after their introduction many years ago and not long after Australia was the fourth on the list of countries with the highest number of mobile phone owners per capita. It seems this saturation of mobiles didn’t give manners a chance to catch up.
The Australian Mobile Telecommunications Association claims there are more than 16 million phone subscribers in Australia. To encourage people to be responsible and considerate when using their mobile phones, the Association has put together a list of simple mobile phone courtesies on its website called Mind Your Mobile Manners.
A slightly abridged version of the list is as follows:
1. When in doubt, always go out: When possible go outside or to another room to make your call if your call might disturb others.
2. If you can’t turn it off, use silent mode: If you need to keep your phone on for important calls, then turn it to silent or vibrate mode.
3. When required turn your phone off and check it’s off: There are some places where people should never talk on a mobile phone or send text messages and where the ringing of a mobile phone or message alert is considered highly unacceptable, such as: movies, stage shows, weddings, funerals, concerts, speeches, classrooms and lectures.
4. Keep your conversations private: People’s sense of personal space varies in each situation. Making a call in a busy pub may be okay, but talking loudly in a confined space like a lift or on a train tends to infringe on others personal space.
5. Speak softly: Mobile phones have very sensitive microphones that can pick even the softest voice, so there is no need to shout. If you are having trouble hearing the other caller, check that you have the volume on your phone set high enough.
6. You don’t always have to answer- use your messaging service: It’s a natural reflex to answer your phone if it rings, however, if you forget to put your phone on silent or vibrate mode and it rings at an inappropriate moment, send the call to voice mail or your answering service (usually by pressing the hang-up key).
7. Talk to the one you’re with: If you receive a call during a conversation, send the call to your voicemail or answering service. Your first priority should be to the person you are with. However, if you are expecting an important call let the person you’re with know before the call arrives and excuse yourself before accepting the call.
8. Don’t send inappropriate messages: Messaging is a great way to communicate, but don’t send offensive or threatening text, voice, picture or any other sort of message, because it is a criminal offence to use a mobile phone to menace or harass someone. Also receivers can save messages and easily identify you as the sender.
9. Respect others' privacy when using in-phone cameras: In-phone cameras shouldn’t be used anywhere a normal camera would be considered inappropriate, such as in change rooms or toilets.
10. Ban the ring: not the phone: Wherever conversations are normally acceptable, venues can help by asking people to turn their phones to silent or vibrate mode rather than turning it off.
It’s a pretty comprehensive list of courtesies and tips when using mobile phones in public places. It would be a good list for any household to have permanently on a wall. You can check out the list in its entirety here.
My favourite on this list would have to be No. 7 - Talk to the one you're with. Enjoying the night out with a friend or friends or a day out with the family are things to treasure and if we don't put the mobile in it's correct place, it will end up ruling your life.
I know I am not alone in my thoughts about mobile phones and manners but I am sure there are lots of people who will disagree with me. “Get with the times” you will probably say.
The thing is that I am up with the times but I just have very strong views on the way people interact and socialise and anything that stands in the way of good manners should be eliminated or at the worst, reduced to a minimum. Calls on mobile phones are often really not all that important anyway.
source: www.amta.org.au
picture credit: www.wa.gov.au
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Comment by SpikeTheLobster
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One o the very few things for which I will use the word 'loathe' is mobile phones. I hate them. I despise them. I loathe them.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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when im out with a friend, i dont mind people answering quickly or sending a quick text if they have other things in their life they need to arrange
i do however think it is rude to have a "txt conversation" with one person while you are sitting at dinner with another . . . if you sent more than 3 sms while you are dining with me i will tell you how rude you are being
Comment by SpikeTheLobster
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I worked on call for over seven years - including a call at 00:05 on 1 Jan 2000 (yeah, I was on a Y2K project). I understand the need to reply to certain calls, absolutely, but don't understand why the person can't take 3 seconds to say "I'm sorry, I really need to reply to this. Excuse me." and apologise afterwards. I do that, even if it's at the checkout: cashiers are human, too, and deserve respect (especially since they do such a sucky job).
Oh, and Janet: ORANGE text, woohoo! Love it.
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Well, believe it or not, is up to you all here...
Comment by Janet Collins
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I have become quite a fan of mobile phones, simply because you can text, no matter what the time. My bug bear is probably people using them just a bit too much when they are out socialising.
A quick call, maybe...and as you say with an "excuse me" and an apology. But no more.
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by Janet Collins
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I agree with you wholeheartedly. The problem is that a generation has been brought without understanding how rude having a conversation with someone on the phone - especially if it is not important and just a chat - is when out socialising or even at a formal occasion.
I think some real rules could be written for them.
Thanks again for the comment.
Comment by Janet Collins
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That "brain damage" issue seems to creep into the news every now and then. Years ago people started wearing ear plugs for a while there. Texting would eliminate this threat of course and young ones are more at ease with texting than talking it seems. Lucky for their parents who are footing the bill....it's cheaper
Thanks for the comment.
Comment by SpikeTheLobster
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Comment by Janet Collins
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
Comment by Janet Collins
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That's a really good one and only confirms how obsessed people have become with sending text messages. I think they can be quite useful if only people would use the whole thing properly.
Thanks.
Comment by Cheryl J
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I love the list, that's one I thought I'd add of my own.
Oh God, I just remembered, someone's phone rang at my great aunt's funeral a couple of years back right in the middle of the service...and they took the bloody call!!
Comment by Janet Collins
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People serving you while on mobile phones is terribly rude. I have sometimes had to wait for service till a phone call has been completed and that really irritates me. It is usually in a place where there is one person and no supervisor I notice.
And funerals - well that just a real no no!
Thanks for the comment.